Staying Focused

I've been having trouble lately staying focused on my personal goal to attend graduate school for becoming a community counselor. I don't doubt for second that this career is an ideal and rewarding path for me. Yet...I haven't made it real enough yet.

I'm guilty of letting it slide. Taking the easy path. Or so I tricked myself into believing.

The path I have historically taken which leads me to marginal success and a mediocre feeling of accomplishment. Did I mention zero in the realm of fulfillment and feeling of usefulness to the world?

Yeah...not a winning formula, though I've stayed alive.

When I look back on that formula, I'm still living it in many ways. Though I have my graduate school interview in tote, I'm not there yet. I want to keep the passion for this career path a daily felt experience. But I let it slide. I don't forget, but I don't stay envigorated by it. I have become consumed by external things, and as a result become grumpy and close to resentful about those other things. Even just the laundry. Or the dishes. Or the fact I have a dirty kitchen floor. None of these things will cause the earth to shift its course, no. Yet they weigh on the spirit if you let them.

So how to stay focused? Devotion. I've realized it takes attention, foster, love, and commitment to your dreams. If you drop them, they will melt and fall beneath the surface of the makings of everyday life. Yet if you foster and hold them tender, I think it's possible they become a part of your everyday life.

This is what I'm embarking on. It's simply and totally huge and enlivening. I'm so not sure how it will look and evolve, and that's precisely how I know I'm on the path to success.

Musings on Being Useful

So much has gone on...I've gotten caught up and neglected to commit to an important act that nourishes me, what pleases me. I'm certain I have something useful to share in my writing, but yet, when in the midst, I simply don't commit to doing so.

I’ve done a lot of writing over the last few weeks, just none in this blog. Which, kinda goes against my proclamation several weeks back to really hunker down and post more…So, it’s time to play catch up and take a look at what went wrong the last time I committed to sticking to it. This has me thinking about the things that would be best to hone in on, to share on the blog in other words. I feel like blog posts need to be useful , among other things. No pressure, right? But in all reality, it's not like I have a huge following with people chomping at the bit! So really...its NOT huge pressure!

I think part of my delay is my historical tendency to hold too tightly those things that are dear to me. Heck I even do this with my dog sometimes! But more importantly with the esoteric side of life, I do it by witholding. It's a combination of not doing it justice (as in, I can't possibly put that into words) and I think a fear of losing "what's good" if I open up. I've learned (slowly) that this is a falsehood. No amount of goodness can really be taken from you by sharing it with others, with the world for that matter. In fact, it only expands and inspires.

Duh.

OK, so, my last problem pertaining to this is being wrapped up in being too busy and not putting a schedule together to share the useful thoughts (or thoughts on being useful, as is the case here). In theory, if I make time for it, it will come. Even my "hoarding the goods" tendency can be overcome by my excitement to share something positive.

Applying Yourself

This morning I've set out to finalize graduate school applications and I'm feeling a strong case of the blahs. I've done everything BUT work on my application work this morning. So now my work on working on myself over the years has me asking if it's a true "blah" feeling or is it the feeling that overtakes one about to embark on something great...one risking failure along the way? Perhaps I am just tired, it's still only in my warm up part of the day and I've had a long working weekend. I find myself searching for the passion, the excitement, the motivation I felt the last few weeks when I was embarking on the application process.

And so I will just start, because as I learned in yoga, showing up is the most important part of the process. I'll start out by listing the objectives of my writing and I'll allow myself to let go of what comes out from there. Perhaps a brief yoga asana practice will also inspire if I still don't have clarity from there.

Let You be You

Thanks to Kelly Diels and her funny fabulous blog, an inspirational reminder type of quote just became sacred to me:


Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.- Harold Whitman

This quote is a summation of the purpose of my blog. Thanks Kelly!

On Practicing Yoga and Yoga Abstinence, Understanding Why Your Monkey Shouldn’t Get His Way

I notice when I drag myself to yoga class -- yes sometimes it is really like pulling the dead weight of my body -- I am always happy I went. In fact, I’m always happy right when I arrive. The vibe is very pleasant, the lighting is almost always nice (barring the strange yoga class I once attended at a YMCA gymnasium! Eeek! I won’t even start on the horrible acoustics), Arriving to yoga class always has me looking forward to the stretches and challenges yoga postures bring about for me. Even when I practice at home, I still get put into a calm state when going through the motions and breathing with yoga asana.

On the flip side, the side that has been most typical as of the last year, I will abstain from going or practicing solo. This phenomenon is also known as: “make up various excuses as to why now is not a good time to go.” Its true yoga schedules may not be ideally tailored to the rest of our lives’ schedules, but c’mon out of 7 days in a week I can make up excuses for all of them? Yes! I can! If you need an excuse-maker, well…nevermind. Let’s face it, we can all get really good at making excuses, finding reasons for anything, and telling stories. However, I’m not going to beat myself or you (yes you) up over this. That’s just what the human mind does. Ironically, yoga practice slows down the pace of your mind so you don’t pay so much attention to all that jabbering story all the time and you wind up with more peace overall.

You may be tempted at this point to argue that you really value your mind and its great powers. I’m not here saying the mind is useless. Sure the mind does you some good, but I’d argue it’s more trouble overall for most people. That is, unless you know how to tame its monkey ways. “Monkey mind” is the term meditation practitioners use to describe how the mind jumps from thought to thought. Like a monkey swinging in the trees…branch to branch, just gliding along, then other times bouncing around. The awesomeness of consciousness comes into play when you can learn how to respond appropriately to your monkey swings and also tame your monkey to go sit in the corner while you collect yourself. By the way, this is all still an imaginary monkey I’m using as a metaphor for the uncontrollable thoughts in your head…there’s not really a monkey in your head. Ok, you knew that.

Alas, I think the real problem is it’s my monkey trying to trick me into not practicing yoga. They monkey wants to stay and play, swing around, jump, frolic, flail, and screech for attention. Yoga practice works to tame the monkey, to quiet the mind. When the monkey makes up excuses to not practice, he’s really just preserving his playground. Poor monkey. But see here’s the best part! The monkey isn’t REAL so you don’t have to feel bad for him. When put this way, seems like an easy choice to tell your monkey to give it a rest and go grab some peace and expanded consciousness like your life depends on it. By the way, this principle can be applied to anything (like yoga) that brings you peace and stillness.