Thoughts on "The Grass is Always Greener"

Today upon walking the dog in mid-30 degreeish chill, I found myself wishing. Wishing for that sunny spot. Wishing he would pick a sunny spot to do his business so I didn’t have to stand and shiver in the cooler shade. Thankfully here in the desert, we still seem to have sun no matter what (minus an occasional rainy day), but the winter sun is scarce anyhow. For certain it is not always present during the twice daily dog walking ritual. Shocking, I know..but the dog’s bio break times do not shift with the seasons!

Back to my wishing for warmth…I’d recently agreed to myself to make note when I’m not being present in any way. In reality, who of us really is actually present even half of the day? Probably none, unless you happen to be reading this from a monastery in Tibet. Fact is, it’s a lofty goal. However, my aim is to find happiness, creativity, and momentum inside of the grounding that being present provides. My aim is not to achieve some monk-like satori all the time (though that would be cool). One of the ways I lose presence is by wishing for some better option that I don’t currently have. Why does the mind do this? I am not entirely sure. I think when discomfort arises, it’s only a natural “thought” that occurs. I’m learning to distinguish thoughts from the real me. Thinking about this wish I was taken back to July of this year when I was walking the dog at dusk. Though it had just started to get dark, it was still very hot. Super hot. It had been somewhere over 114 during the day and I was wishing for a cooler climate on that particular walk.

I remember walking by the community pool, and I could hear kids playing. As they splashed and laughed, I was envious of their obvious joy and relief the pool provided them on this sweltering day. I was downright jealous of those kids. Then god showed up. I say this because only seconds later, as the dog and I continued down the path, sprinklers started to bubble up and spray…in the grass right next to where we were headed. I immediately started to trot, then jog, right over to these sprinklers. I walked us both right through a corner full of mist and then back into the dry hot air. Normally being wet with your clothes on would be felt as discomfort, and I think the dog was none too keen about my choice. Yet this particular time, I only felt relief and pleasure at being doused with cold water on this hot evening. I saw this brief showering opportunity as a victory, a blessing, grace provided to me.

I did not necessarily deserve such relief, but I was given it anyway. Moments like these can renew our faith that there is beauty and grace to be found, no matter what the moment, what the temperature, or how perfect we think somewhere else is. Fact is, you are where you are. The good part is that wanting can be used as a reminder for us to get present, to see things that are in fact wondrous about where you are right now. And now. And now.

Aaaah presence.

What ways do you lose presence or find yourself again?

Lack of Posting, Lack of Commitment?

It's been over two months since I've posted. I've had plenty of things to say, to be sure. I've been entrenched in taking on some small writing projects, which now seem to have temporarily subsided. More importantly though, I've also been mucking around in my own messes in life. Only recently noticing that I haven't been consistently paying attention to me and what energizes me. Fluctuating between living through others and living the day-to-day -- sans much exciting inspiration. yawn...right? When I look at how I see myself, how loved ones see me, it's not a boring person. Yet in many ways, I have been boring lately.

I'm facing a new commitment. A new commitment to pay attention to me. In the past I've felt like a good me is one who is helpful to others and needs to focus on fixing external problems. Yet this has only created an internal problem. A me who isn't present very often. A me who isn't able to actually be effective at giving myself to others...because I'm not me enough. Make sense?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving week, here's a great mood-lifting site to be thankful for: 1000 Awesome Things. I hope they don't stop at 1000.

I'm also thankful for noticing my lack of me-ness, above. I'm thankful that I can wake up and make a new fresh commitment that speaks from the heart, for the heart.

Unexpected Inspiration

A small commandment I spotted on the Happiness Project Toolbox gave me a lightbulb moment. It said to "be the person you want to be with and fall in love with" (emphasis added). I love two aspects of this commandment: 1)It focuses on being as the active means of "having"...a truth in life I've found hard to comprehend at times, but impossible to avoid; 2)I can't think of a better motivation to be your best self, than to put yourself into the shoes of a person who loves you, an iteration of the golden rule most appealingly put.

Perhaps this inspiring thought has been out there for me to notice before and I've either missed it or dismissed it. I'm noticing now. Sending a thank you to the "interwebs" and all of its participants for this gift of sharing wisdom.