Embracing the Unexpected

I drafted the title of this posting several weeks ago, knowing I'd come back with some content later.  Almost magically, it has! I know when I'm "onto something" when that magical serendipitous feeling emerges. "How did I know this topic would be so profound for me...?"

It scares me, the unexpected, that is.

There's an element of blogging about life (notably my life) that scares me too. Like, what if people who read this judge me or they don't get it...or obviously they didn't get it if they're judging me!  haha! This list could go on.  So instead I've gotten over myself and committed to writing about my life again.

I haven't wanted to. But yet I really have wanted to. It's a long complicated story.  It's a story of the inner dialogue we all have when faced with, well, life. Life in general can be scary. Then rewarding. Then scary. You get the idea here. Mostly it boils down to that I have this desire to share. To share for the sake of having another person say something like "oh, that's cool, I see what you mean, that might help me too!"  I've been attached to perfectionism. Perfecting that I have to know fully all that there is to give to others before I can actually truly embark upon that.  But when will that EVER happen?  So instead the desire is more like "just get that sharing out there in the world and that's a plus if someone appreciates it".

Embracing the unexpected, as a concept is just this. Unexpected events, when embraced, can go/turnout/evolve much better than your wild-child fears imagine. I'm omitting catastrophic loss from this conversation because that's not the type of fear I'm talking about. I'm talking about small fears.  That ledge over there, you know, the one with the good view...are you too afraid of heights to step a bit closer and take it in?  You know that one?  Maybe you're not afraid of heights but it's something else like slaying scary spiders or conquering that fear you have of public speaking. I'm also talking about the other types of common fears: fear of being "found out" you're not as cool/great/nice/attractive/smart as your "image" of people think you are, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. wait...what?

Yes I said fear of success! What exactly does that mean? 

Well, let me tell you. It means you're afraid of being successful because you fear what the success might bring to you, not fearing the actual "success" in and of itself. Surely we all want success, right? But what happens afterwards, with your friends, loved ones, the public (if you're a celebrity or become one)?  I mean, success is daunting.  Let's face it, it's downright scary. Plus with success now there's that reputation to uphold. If you start doing great things that take hard work, courage, and gumption...you know all too well that you're going to have to keep at it, right? You can't let your people/self/fans down! If you're like me you could be thinking "is this the right path though? What if I'm bored by it or change my  mind? or I start to fail after I'm so successful, everyone will be watching!" But yet, who says any of this will happen or matter when you achieve this particular success?  Do you want to give up a possible great thing for fear that your sister Susie will be jealous?! Heck no, and likely she really won't be anyway. What I've learned through embracing unexpected things is, you don't really know till you get there.  Plus, it's not always about getting anywhere. Success is a moment-to-moment journey. Just like life itself.

So we may as well embrace it or we will watch it pass us by. I don't want to look back later with regret over some silly what-if based fears. I also want to catch the view along the way by stepping closer to that scary ledge. Leaning on your loving self, and the love of those in your life, will provide the tools to get there and overcome that pesky fear voice. Just remember it when you hear it and tell it no thank you please step aside (it might even help to imagine yourself in a cape for these moments)!

So anyway, what was this posting about? ...I think I've shared enough for today. Consider the task accomplished.

Higher Ground

Today's quote courtesy of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project speaks volumes to me and has me appreciate my spouse more each day and it also puts a level of empowerment upon the strife and challenges that come up in life. I have grown to realize the truth within this quote over the last year of marriage:

"...the faults of married people continually spur up each of them, hour by hour, to do better and to meet and love upon higher ground."
— Robert Louis Stevenson

Waking Up Earlier is Worth It

Ok, so I'm really the last person EVER who would say early rising is worth it.  It's a harrowing experience for me...but I've realized it's only short term.  The last few weeks I've noticed that for the most part, my mind has been stuck in "muck".  Mucky brain, is essentially a state of mind where you are not in tune with your creativity.  You allow distracted thoughts and habits that don't suit you to get in your way; to block access to your real power, expression, and worst of all...satisfaction.  So I've re-established the simplest way I know to un-muck, as it were.

This morning I woke up early, naturally as a result of a bad dream. Normally I'd soothe myself and go back to sleep, even if I have just 20 minutes remaining (damnit!) Nope, not today.  Thoughts were rampant and annoying. Stomach was growling.  Sigh...I decided to just get up, and do some "morning pages".  I don't know if Julia Cameron has trademarked that term, but her guidance to creativity nearly solely focuses on this consistency (among other variety of things...but always morning pages).  Yet here I am, finally absorbing the full intent of her instruction, about 12 years after first ingesting her recommendation! I'm not normally a slow learner, but in this case, I can definitely appreciate the path I took to get here and I'm totally ok with it.

"Morning pages" involve waking up roughly half an hour earlier than you'd normally do so that you can write 3 journal pages of "whatever" comes out.  Since the advent of computer usage and my ability to type fast, I find it more valuable to journal online my morning pages. I have a safe spot that is only viewable by me, so the effect is the same. I can write anything and everything.  It has the effect of a palate cleanser, but on your whole thinking brain. It's simple.  And it's brilliant.

So here's the value I found in "morning pages": mind training.  Yes, mind training.  Still trying to master that one. I definitely think  morning writing is like a meditative version of mind training. I get to bark out all the thoughts that I want, so that the space becomes a clear pathway.  Like right now I'm truly able to see the perspective that is most valuable.  It's present for me.  It's almost too miraculous to believe.  Why write? Why wake up early?

Holy shit,  why don't you? 

Everyone should do this who has blockages in their life. It's truly underestimated in its ability to clear the cobwebs of recycled, useless thought that is human mentality.  Not bad thoughts per se, but not our highest work either. Not our most effective work.  Walking and other basic tasks we perform without "thinking" also required training and practice at one point, so why do we not try more in life to train our thoughts?  It's like we take the default, the mis-guided thoughts in many cases, as-is.  Like that's what we're dealt.  But it's not true. Thought is maleable.  Yes thoughts will come and go seemingly without control, but yet we can decide what to focus on, to stop and linger, to pay attention.  That is the most valuable practice.  the awareness of this ability alone can be earth-shattering.  revolutionary.  Writing down the thoughts in your brain each morning can allow you to better focus on this ability.  True story.

Next time I lay in bed not wanting to rise, let this serve as a reminder.  Do I want to throw off my whole day by gaining just 20 minutes of sleep?  It's such an easy question.

Aiming High

One of Gretchen Rubin's recent happiness quotes of the day struck me as refreshingly optomistic: 

"In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high."
— Henry David Thoreau

Cartoon from Savage Chickens

This Thoreau quote reminds me of a famous chef quote that my husband often spouts when talking about always shooting to achieve perfection in the kitchen.  The key is to remember the ideal of perfection likely doesn't exist, so don't beat yourself up when you don't get there.  This is no reason not to aim that high, however -- because of the lofty goal, you are bound to land in a place that makes you proud.

Thoughts on Wants & Attachment

I've spent a lot of time in my life attached to certain outcomes. Of course we all want what we deem the best possible outcome in any situation. It could be as huge as a life milestone or as small as the next moment's desire.  What struck me today, and has struck me many times before, is that wanting and being attached to what we want are totally different things -- causing totally different outcomes.

Somewhere along the lines of the last 33 years I bought into a notion that "wanting hard enough" or "trying hard enough" was the way to go.  I don't even know if I so much thought that's what wins the race, but I certainly have practiced my fair share of being attached to outcomes versus simply being in tune with my goals and wants.  Most life coaches will tell you that attachment breeds unhappiness. We do better to let things unfold inside of our intentions in order to achieve a happy and successful life.

Following the guidance of The Law of Attraction we could be tempted to think that attaching ourselves strongly to our wants is the way to achieve our desires.  Yet when you take a look at what happens when we are attached to a specific name, form, or outcome - we become locked into those specifics, unable to see or experience other things that may actually result in fulfilling the same want. The reality is that we do not have any control of our environment. Believing attachment will get you what you want is a belief that we have such control. What we can control is what we think about. We fool ourselves into thinking it will be so if we focus hard enough.  We enlighten ourselves if we honor and allow what we want to simply happen as it may. 

A tough lesson.  Sometimes counter-intuitive. Though always good news when you remember this principle.

Even in the simple act of walking the dog sometimes I notice a change in how he pulls on the leash so hard the more I try to control him.  When I relax and quit trying to impose my will upon the dog, he becomes much easier to manage.

sniff sniff..what's that I smell?

A few evenings ago, while falling asleep, I had a strange thing happen.  I suddenly had a memory, a faint one, of a smell from my past. I can't really describe it here, but that's not really the point.  The smell triggered in me not only a memory of a certain age range (teenage), but also a certain set of emotions.  I'd never really remembered a smell before, typically it's the opposite. At least it is for me. The human brain is known for sensing a smell specific from our past and it marvelously recalls an event, place, and/or feelings that go along with it.  Apparently even corporate marketing has taken to using smells to encourage sales.

I think it's a really powerful thing to imagine a smell can encourage a set of memories, but fascinating to think about the impact of triggering emotions.


What if you could somehow modify or encourage your emotions through a smell (aroma) therapy, of sorts?
 I suppose this is what all the aromatherapy experts out there are claiming to do.

Taken a different direction, as with my recent experience, could we potentially train our brains to recall a specific smell that makes us happy...or whatever emotion we're looking for at the time.  This could be applied not only to behavioral therapy but also the obvious marketing, and perhaps even theatrics training.  Maybe I'm nuts to think about this, but I think there's something valuable to be had in taking advantage of smells you know will make you your best self. What types of smells boost you to be your best? Food for thought found here from a local smell and flower essence expert I know.

Missed another day...oh well!

Yesterday I didn't get around to patching in here and jotting down a post.
Oh well.

You know, I really put unnecessary pressures on myself sometimes. I appreciate that my intention to write consistently for a 21 day period has kept me more in tune with my writing. I don't think I will be doing it daily, however. Daily writing is a goal, but it's a goal that is totally fine if it causes me to write at least 3 days a week.



Since this post is really about my lack of posting yesterday, I expect to have another more substantive post later today.

Learning Silence

Lately I've been acknowledging and thinking upon how I'm not always graceful in the face of criticism. It harkens me back to days as a child when other kids, or my same-aged cousin would unfairly tease me or lie about me.  I can see how it can make others crazy when anything you say to them that is remotely negative is fired back with a defense mechanism.  However, I always seem to get hooked when I feel unjustly treated.

How do I go about identifying what's a warranted response versus a time when I just need to suck up that I was wrong or my reasoning simply doesn't need to be heard?  I'm not sure about this yet.  I'm sure I'll laugh about this question one day, but right now I don't know the answer. I think it confuses me because of lack of practice anything but my age-old defense process. Inside of not knowing anything else, I'm committing myself to practicing silence in the face of criticism (or perceived criticism, in cases where none exists).  The silence will allow me space to collect reality, move through uncomfortable emotions, and respond appropriately instead of reacting.  In many cases, I think I will realize that just because it makes me uncomfortable to be wrong -- or misunderstood, doesn't mean it deserves the boxing gloves.  I'm trusting that the silence can give me this wisdom I seek.

Three Days and...done!

I realized my 21 day writing assignment is flawed. For one, currently with a busy weekend schedule, I literally have almost no coherent time to do personal, meaningful writing. Second, creating a habit doesn't mean you do the same thing every single day. It means you set a pattern and stick with it.  Therefore in correction to my desire to create a steady, fulfilling writing regimen, I'm going to take off the pressure on the weekends and only commit to writing Monday through Friday. 

This I know I can do.

Escape From Escaping

Last week I heard an inspirational interview with Buddhist nun Pema Chodron done by Oprah Winfrey on her Soul Series XM radio show. The discussion is also transcribed in an here on the Oprah website. I'm touched by how simple life can be if we can agree to put ourselves into a realm of acceptance rather than resisting anything negative that comes up.  Her advice to simply notice when you're "hooked" (aka: getting taken into upset about something), and then pause, take a few mindful breaths can make a difference in how we are able to move forward - with power -- instead of defeat/stress. I'm not going to be able to paraphrase all the great words of Pema here, but wanted to take my "entry a day" self-assignment opportunity to share and appreciate her teachings.

Money Talks

I recently checked in at Danielle LaPorte's blog and found many gems in her two part series on money. The first one pertains to personal money practices, the second about business. I felt really inspired especially when reading about the personal money practices. Many things Danielle shares I already do. Yet many more, I do not.

Reading the personal money practices posting, I thought, yeah...that's great! Especially on the introductory statement encouraging us to start talking about money with friends, and how making money transparent gives us power. Totally makes sense. Then I started thinking, is this something I can blog about? In theory and heart, my answer was yes! In practice I started to shrivel up. I went to write about it last night and the creative steam was nowhere to be found. No surprise since her whole initial point is that we've kept money in a mystical space, charged with emotion...which it doesn't deserve. In heeding Danielle's encouragement, I am pressing forward with my initial thought to talk about money, publicly.

The emotionality of money isn't hard to deny. Some have little or none, others have enough, and even few others have a whole lot. This creates a totally different experience in life for people in their respective spots in the money continuum. The feeling of unfairness can't help but well up inside when you hear of someone (or know someone) who appears to have more than you, presumably by way of having more money to spend. The feeling of unfairness goes into even deeper waters, into the realm of humanity when you assess the situation of basic survival needs such as access to shelter, healthy food, and health care. I can't help but feel that if our society as a whole heeded the recommendation to be open about and demystify money, we would not have such problems of basic survival in our society. One could argue that continuing to cover up our collective money topic only gives money power in a way that prevents the have-nots from bettering their lot. This is because those with the money wind up having more power, even though it's really just power we've unnecessarily given to the have/have-not money situation. When I look at it that way...our reasons for keeping our money business private seem petty.

In evaluating my thoughts on money recently, I've learned that I most definitely do not always practice healthy money habits. Though I talk to close friends about money, I don't always get into the deep points, the points that can make the difference. There's still that little hold-out most of the time where you don't want to look like a failure, so the real fears aren't allowed to surface and heal. I also tend to want to spend as soon as I get it, and sometimes follow through on that tendency. The worst thing I do about money is when I feel insecure or like money is scarce, I tense up, shut down, and don't do anything productive about the situation. In my scarcity moments, the only thing somewhat helpful is that I will spend less. But inside of that is a level of stingy. I'm not a stingy person by nature, so when this happens, I wind up feeling a decent level of misery about my finances, and I don't appreciate all the positive effects and practices in relating to money that are available in my life. Danielle's recommendation to focus on priorities instead of limitations, is actually a great way to frame our spending choices in a very empowered way.

The good? I'm a strong believer in not feeling bad for convenience costs, paying for services I don't want do do or don't know how to do, and buying things from people I know even if it is more expensive than getting a "deal" elsewhere. I do pay close attention to money, as Danielle recommends, but not always in the most productive ways. For everything in life, there's always a lot to gain by expanding my understanding through a little discomfort and pulling through that discomfort with a willingness to grow (think of the growth as the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel"). There's no exception to this truth when it comes to my relationship to money and having continued success in this facet of life.

What are your money habits? Are they productive or keeping you from peace and success?

Why No Progress?

After perusing through my previous posts, taking stock in how I haven't posted since August, and speaking to a friend about her active blog use, I just can't help but feel like a big fat failure when it comes to my lack of writing in this space.

Maybe this isn't a big deal.

But maybe it is.

I said writing in my blog was important to me, but then I neglected it. I can flog myself about this all day and get nowhere or I can take a closer peek and get some transformation on the topic.

When looking for the perfect image to go along with my sentiment, I was reminded of the adage, "you're not learning if you're not failing". So that means I'm learning, right? That sounds way too generous for the type of "learning" I've been doing lately. Maybe I'm a slow learner? I can also admit that in the grand scheme of my life, failing to devote myself to analytical thought on my 33-year old life by blogging for approximately 2 years is really not that bad of a fail. After all, I have been busy. But isn't everyone? Let's toss out the excuses and get to the growth.

....Back to the learning part. Here's a few things to learn:

• Do what you say you're going to do or you might just be embarrassed (especially when your commitment publicly written like this blog).


• My creativity hasn't had much of an outlet because of my not sticking to this writing. Lesson: Follow your creative heart and don't leave it by the wayside, your soul needs this outlet to thrive, to stay an interested (and interesting) person.


• The importance of discipline can apply to even the things you love. Case in point, I love writing about life, spirituality, and growing as a human being. Yet I let other things crop up in the way and don't do it. Why would I do this? I haven't applied a discipline to it. Routine and commitment to the routine, especially in the early phases, are key. Behavioral experts say it takes 21 days to "lock in" a new habit. Do I need to write at least something each day for at least 21 days? ...ugh, can I? The truth is, I'd love to! So why not try? Life-hack bloggers and self-helpers give all kinds of tips that make logical sense, but I'm just going to keep it simple and choose to do things that nourish me, that I want to do, and make time for them. If I go the detailed "sciency" route I may get too hung up on it and loose my steam (aka: inspiration). Ultimately, this boils down to doing what's recommended by these life "experts" in the end!

If you're out there reading this and you are good at staying inspired to do things in your life that nourish you...please share in comments! If you're like me and you identify yourself as inspired but you don't have a lot of action in this area, please also share your progress, goals, and thoughts on what might work for us!