I drafted the title of this posting several weeks ago, knowing I'd come back with some content later. Almost magically, it has! I know when I'm "onto something" when that magical serendipitous feeling emerges. "How did I know this topic would be so profound for me...?"
It scares me, the unexpected, that is.
There's an element of blogging about life (notably my life) that scares me too. Like, what if people who read this judge me or they don't get it...or obviously they didn't get it if they're judging me! haha! This list could go on. So instead I've gotten over myself and committed to writing about my life again.
I haven't wanted to. But yet I really have wanted to. It's a long complicated story. It's a story of the inner dialogue we all have when faced with, well, life. Life in general can be scary. Then rewarding. Then scary. You get the idea here. Mostly it boils down to that I have this desire to share. To share for the sake of having another person say something like "oh, that's cool, I see what you mean, that might help me too!" I've been attached to perfectionism. Perfecting that I have to know fully all that there is to give to others before I can actually truly embark upon that. But when will that EVER happen? So instead the desire is more like "just get that sharing out there in the world and that's a plus if someone appreciates it".
Embracing the unexpected, as a concept is just this. Unexpected events, when embraced, can go/turnout/evolve much better than your wild-child fears imagine. I'm omitting catastrophic loss from this conversation because that's not the type of fear I'm talking about. I'm talking about small fears. That ledge over there, you know, the one with the good view...are you too afraid of heights to step a bit closer and take it in? You know that one? Maybe you're not afraid of heights but it's something else like slaying scary spiders or conquering that fear you have of public speaking. I'm also talking about the other types of common fears: fear of being "found out" you're not as cool/great/nice/attractive/smart as your "image" of people think you are, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. wait...what?
Yes I said fear of success! What exactly does that mean?
Well, let me tell you. It means you're afraid of being successful because you fear what the success might bring to you, not fearing the actual "success" in and of itself. Surely we all want success, right? But what happens afterwards, with your friends, loved ones, the public (if you're a celebrity or become one)? I mean, success is daunting. Let's face it, it's downright scary. Plus with success now there's that reputation to uphold. If you start doing great things that take hard work, courage, and gumption...you know all too well that you're going to have to keep at it, right? You can't let your people/self/fans down! If you're like me you could be thinking "is this the right path though? What if I'm bored by it or change my mind? or I start to fail after I'm so successful, everyone will be watching!" But yet, who says any of this will happen or matter when you achieve this particular success? Do you want to give up a possible great thing for fear that your sister Susie will be jealous?! Heck no, and likely she really won't be anyway. What I've learned through embracing unexpected things is, you don't really know till you get there. Plus, it's not always about getting anywhere. Success is a moment-to-moment journey. Just like life itself.
So we may as well embrace it or we will watch it pass us by. I don't want to look back later with regret over some silly what-if based fears. I also want to catch the view along the way by stepping closer to that scary ledge. Leaning on your loving self, and the love of those in your life, will provide the tools to get there and overcome that pesky fear voice. Just remember it when you hear it and tell it no thank you please step aside (it might even help to imagine yourself in a cape for these moments)!
So anyway, what was this posting about? ...I think I've shared enough for today. Consider the task accomplished.
Oct 17, 2011
Mar 24, 2011
Higher Ground
Today's quote courtesy of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project speaks volumes to me and has me appreciate my spouse more each day and it also puts a level of empowerment upon the strife and challenges that come up in life. I have grown to realize the truth within this quote over the last year of marriage:
"...the faults of married people continually spur up each of them, hour by hour, to do better and to meet and love upon higher ground."
— Robert Louis Stevenson
"...the faults of married people continually spur up each of them, hour by hour, to do better and to meet and love upon higher ground."
— Robert Louis Stevenson
Mar 23, 2011
Waking Up Earlier is Worth It
Ok, so I'm really the last person EVER who would say early rising is worth it. It's a harrowing experience for me...but I've realized it's only short term. The last few weeks I've noticed that for the most part, my mind has been stuck in "muck". Mucky brain, is essentially a state of mind where you are not in tune with your creativity. You allow distracted thoughts and habits that don't suit you to get in your way; to block access to your real power, expression, and worst of all...satisfaction. So I've re-established the simplest way I know to un-muck, as it were.
This morning I woke up early, naturally as a result of a bad dream. Normally I'd soothe myself and go back to sleep, even if I have just 20 minutes remaining (damnit!) Nope, not today. Thoughts were rampant and annoying. Stomach was growling. Sigh...I decided to just get up, and do some "morning pages". I don't know if Julia Cameron has trademarked that term, but her guidance to creativity nearly solely focuses on this consistency (among other variety of things...but always morning pages). Yet here I am, finally absorbing the full intent of her instruction, about 12 years after first ingesting her recommendation! I'm not normally a slow learner, but in this case, I can definitely appreciate the path I took to get here and I'm totally ok with it.
"Morning pages" involve waking up roughly half an hour earlier than you'd normally do so that you can write 3 journal pages of "whatever" comes out. Since the advent of computer usage and my ability to type fast, I find it more valuable to journal online my morning pages. I have a safe spot that is only viewable by me, so the effect is the same. I can write anything and everything. It has the effect of a palate cleanser, but on your whole thinking brain. It's simple. And it's brilliant.
So here's the value I found in "morning pages": mind training. Yes, mind training. Still trying to master that one. I definitely think morning writing is like a meditative version of mind training. I get to bark out all the thoughts that I want, so that the space becomes a clear pathway. Like right now I'm truly able to see the perspective that is most valuable. It's present for me. It's almost too miraculous to believe. Why write? Why wake up early?
Holy shit, why don't you?
Everyone should do this who has blockages in their life. It's truly underestimated in its ability to clear the cobwebs of recycled, useless thought that is human mentality. Not bad thoughts per se, but not our highest work either. Not our most effective work. Walking and other basic tasks we perform without "thinking" also required training and practice at one point, so why do we not try more in life to train our thoughts? It's like we take the default, the mis-guided thoughts in many cases, as-is. Like that's what we're dealt. But it's not true. Thought is maleable. Yes thoughts will come and go seemingly without control, but yet we can decide what to focus on, to stop and linger, to pay attention. That is the most valuable practice. the awareness of this ability alone can be earth-shattering. revolutionary. Writing down the thoughts in your brain each morning can allow you to better focus on this ability. True story.
Next time I lay in bed not wanting to rise, let this serve as a reminder. Do I want to throw off my whole day by gaining just 20 minutes of sleep? It's such an easy question.
This morning I woke up early, naturally as a result of a bad dream. Normally I'd soothe myself and go back to sleep, even if I have just 20 minutes remaining (damnit!) Nope, not today. Thoughts were rampant and annoying. Stomach was growling. Sigh...I decided to just get up, and do some "morning pages". I don't know if Julia Cameron has trademarked that term, but her guidance to creativity nearly solely focuses on this consistency (among other variety of things...but always morning pages). Yet here I am, finally absorbing the full intent of her instruction, about 12 years after first ingesting her recommendation! I'm not normally a slow learner, but in this case, I can definitely appreciate the path I took to get here and I'm totally ok with it.
"Morning pages" involve waking up roughly half an hour earlier than you'd normally do so that you can write 3 journal pages of "whatever" comes out. Since the advent of computer usage and my ability to type fast, I find it more valuable to journal online my morning pages. I have a safe spot that is only viewable by me, so the effect is the same. I can write anything and everything. It has the effect of a palate cleanser, but on your whole thinking brain. It's simple. And it's brilliant.
So here's the value I found in "morning pages": mind training. Yes, mind training. Still trying to master that one. I definitely think morning writing is like a meditative version of mind training. I get to bark out all the thoughts that I want, so that the space becomes a clear pathway. Like right now I'm truly able to see the perspective that is most valuable. It's present for me. It's almost too miraculous to believe. Why write? Why wake up early?
Holy shit, why don't you?
Everyone should do this who has blockages in their life. It's truly underestimated in its ability to clear the cobwebs of recycled, useless thought that is human mentality. Not bad thoughts per se, but not our highest work either. Not our most effective work. Walking and other basic tasks we perform without "thinking" also required training and practice at one point, so why do we not try more in life to train our thoughts? It's like we take the default, the mis-guided thoughts in many cases, as-is. Like that's what we're dealt. But it's not true. Thought is maleable. Yes thoughts will come and go seemingly without control, but yet we can decide what to focus on, to stop and linger, to pay attention. That is the most valuable practice. the awareness of this ability alone can be earth-shattering. revolutionary. Writing down the thoughts in your brain each morning can allow you to better focus on this ability. True story.
Next time I lay in bed not wanting to rise, let this serve as a reminder. Do I want to throw off my whole day by gaining just 20 minutes of sleep? It's such an easy question.
Jan 28, 2011
Aiming High
One of Gretchen Rubin's recent happiness quotes of the day struck me as refreshingly optomistic:
"In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high."
— Henry David Thoreau
This Thoreau quote reminds me of a famous chef quote that my husband often spouts when talking about always shooting to achieve perfection in the kitchen. The key is to remember the ideal of perfection likely doesn't exist, so don't beat yourself up when you don't get there. This is no reason not to aim that high, however -- because of the lofty goal, you are bound to land in a place that makes you proud.
"In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high."
— Henry David Thoreau
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| Cartoon from Savage Chickens |
Jan 27, 2011
Thoughts on Wants & Attachment
I've spent a lot of time in my life attached to certain outcomes. Of course we all want what we deem the best possible outcome in any situation. It could be as huge as a life milestone or as small as the next moment's desire. What struck me today, and has struck me many times before, is that wanting and being attached to what we want are totally different things -- causing totally different outcomes.
Somewhere along the lines of the last 33 years I bought into a notion that "wanting hard enough" or "trying hard enough" was the way to go. I don't even know if I so much thought that's what wins the race, but I certainly have practiced my fair share of being attached to outcomes versus simply being in tune with my goals and wants. Most life coaches will tell you that attachment breeds unhappiness. We do better to let things unfold inside of our intentions in order to achieve a happy and successful life.
Following the guidance of The Law of Attraction we could be tempted to think that attaching ourselves strongly to our wants is the way to achieve our desires. Yet when you take a look at what happens when we are attached to a specific name, form, or outcome - we become locked into those specifics, unable to see or experience other things that may actually result in fulfilling the same want. The reality is that we do not have any control of our environment. Believing attachment will get you what you want is a belief that we have such control. What we can control is what we think about. We fool ourselves into thinking it will be so if we focus hard enough. We enlighten ourselves if we honor and allow what we want to simply happen as it may.
A tough lesson. Sometimes counter-intuitive. Though always good news when you remember this principle.
Even in the simple act of walking the dog sometimes I notice a change in how he pulls on the leash so hard the more I try to control him. When I relax and quit trying to impose my will upon the dog, he becomes much easier to manage.
Somewhere along the lines of the last 33 years I bought into a notion that "wanting hard enough" or "trying hard enough" was the way to go. I don't even know if I so much thought that's what wins the race, but I certainly have practiced my fair share of being attached to outcomes versus simply being in tune with my goals and wants. Most life coaches will tell you that attachment breeds unhappiness. We do better to let things unfold inside of our intentions in order to achieve a happy and successful life.
Following the guidance of The Law of Attraction we could be tempted to think that attaching ourselves strongly to our wants is the way to achieve our desires. Yet when you take a look at what happens when we are attached to a specific name, form, or outcome - we become locked into those specifics, unable to see or experience other things that may actually result in fulfilling the same want. The reality is that we do not have any control of our environment. Believing attachment will get you what you want is a belief that we have such control. What we can control is what we think about. We fool ourselves into thinking it will be so if we focus hard enough. We enlighten ourselves if we honor and allow what we want to simply happen as it may.
A tough lesson. Sometimes counter-intuitive. Though always good news when you remember this principle.
Even in the simple act of walking the dog sometimes I notice a change in how he pulls on the leash so hard the more I try to control him. When I relax and quit trying to impose my will upon the dog, he becomes much easier to manage.
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